No, Virginia, there is not a Santa Claus

Welcome to the December Carnival of Natural Parenting: Let's Talk Traditions

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama.

Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Okay, silly title. Especially coming from someone who still believes in Santa Claus. Not only do I know, as a Catholic and someone who studied history, that there was a bishop named Nicholas of Myra who threw presents down someone's chimney (and also supposedly punched the heretic Arius in the face at the council of Nicea), but I also happen to like the jolly old elf of art and poetry. I have "A Visit From St. Nick" ("Twas the night before Christmas") almost memorized. As a child, I believed so fervently in Santa that when my mom said he wasn't real, I refused to believe her and told her that, no matter what she said, I would always believe in Santa.

Then I got married. And my husband told me that there was not a snowball's chance in a cup of hot chocolate that we would be doing Santa, ever, at all. He says Santa is a symbol of the commercialization and secularization of Christmas, a substitute for Jesus. And when half the streets in the center of town were closed Friday night for everyone to see Santa arriving in town on the commuter train -- blocking our way home from the train station -- he was heard to describe the "jolly old elf" in a few choice words I wouldn't repeat.

At first I argued. I tried to come up with compromises. I agreed that there was no way I was fighting my way through a mall crowd to force a crying child to sit on the lap of a white-bearded stranger, but couldn't we at least do stockings? A couple Santa presents? That poem I like so much?

But this year, the first year it actually matters, I find I agree with him. I'm not quite sure when that happened. All I know is, when I told my students we weren't doing Santa, they were in an uproar. They said I was cheating the baby of his chance to enjoy Christmas. And one kid shouted out, "Baby, Santa is as real as GOD!"

I suddenly realized this is not what I want for my child. I don't want him thinking Santa is as real as God, so if I lied to him about one, I might lie about the other. For his own good/so he could have the experience/for pretend ... it doesn't really matter, does it? If I lie, I can't be trusted. Kids aren't so good with the distinctions there.

Also, Santa's for kids. If Santa is 90% of what Christmas is (and he does become that, somehow), then Christmas is for kids. Not grown-ups. Santa doesn't bring us presents. So does that mean we should just stress out and go nuts over getting all the presents for the kids, and then sit back and enjoy Christmas vicariously? If that's the point, are we just telling the kids about Santa so that we can have the kind of Christmas we remember?

I have always found Christmas to be magical. The lighted tree, the surprises, the look on a family member's face when they open my gift for them, Midnight Mass, the nativity scene ... it's all real. Since Santa was only ever a small part of Christmas to me, nothing has been "spoiled" about Christmas as I've grown up, even though "Santa" presents no longer appear under my tree.

Another problem with Santa is that he's about getting, not giving. Santa's the guy who gives you presents that you don't have to write a thank-you note for. (That actually bothered me when I was a kid -- I wondered why my mom didn't make me write a note to him, too!) And you don't have to give a present to him in return. I think it's much better for kids to focus, as much as possible, on giving. So everyone who gives my son a present, he will someday be able to give presents to as well. I loved giving presents as a child; it was really exciting to see if they would like my gift!

The one thing I was worried about missing was the idea of mystery presents. Things that just sort of appeared, that seemed magic. These can happen at any age, by the way. One year, when we were VERY short on money (sometime I should blog about my family's adventures with almost running out of money), we got a card in the mail with a grocery store gift card in it, signed "Santa." I love that. The person who sent it didn't want to be recognized or thanked; they wanted us to understand that God was providing for us.

Years later, my mom sent out her own "Santa" gift card to a friend in need, at least once. She didn't want to make her friend feel awkward or indebted -- just to receive what she needed. And I've done similar things myself. When we got snowed in a couple of Christmases ago and couldn't go out to get a tree, I waited till everyone had gone to bed, snuck outside, and gathered pine branches to set up and decorate like a tree. I told the little kids that Santa had done it. My mom has told them all that Santa is pretend, but they got really into it all the same: "Did he carry it on his sleigh? Did he know we were snowed in? Look, he even put our ornaments on it!" Or, a Christmas when my mom was really tired and went to bed without doing the dishes on Christmas Eve, she woke up to find the kitchen all clean. "Thank you, Sheila," she said to me fervently, but my answer was, "Who, me? Elves did this!"

However, you don't need Santa to do this. You can always give mystery presents. I think I'll encourage that -- giving a few presents and saying, "The person wanted to give you a present in secret, so they wouldn't be thanked." And then, a few years later, encouraging him to do the same to others: "What's something we can do for someone in secret, because it's Christmas?" I'll tell him, of course, about the wise men and the shepherds, how they gave things to baby Jesus, and how when we give things to others, we're doing it for Jesus.

All the same, I'm hoping we can make Christmas about more than presents for him. Going to church on Christmas morning (or Christmas Eve), perhaps doing something extra for the poor, singing carols, setting out the nativity scene, all of these mean so much more than Santa ever will. That's the gift I'd like to give him for his Christmases growing up.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Traditions? What traditions? — Olivia at Write About Birth needs your advice: how can she make the most of the holiday season in a new country with only her immediate family? (@writeaboutbirth)



• TRADITION!!!!!! — Ella at My Intentional Journey reminds us all to be thankful for family traditions; there are those who have none.



• tradition! — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine came to realize that families can make incredible memories, even if they're not wealthy (or organized).



• Taking a child's perspective on traditions — Lauren at Hobo Mama wants to keep in mind how important even the mundane traditions will be to her little ones. (@Hobo_Mama)



• Sunday Dinners and Lullabies — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment finds traditions in the small things throughout the year.



• Simple Family Advent Traditions — Michelle at The Parent Vortex crafted a set of advent bags with daily surprises to eat and to do. (@TheParentVortex)



• Parenting: Family Meetings - A Timeless Tradition — Amy Phoenix at Innate Wholeness discusses a year-round tradition in her household: Family Meetings. (@InnateWholeness)



• Our Mindful Holidays — They may not be "traditional" traditions, but they fit the family of Kellie at Our Mindful Life.



• Our Holiday Traditions, New and Old — Even with three young children, Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings is finding ways to be intentional and meaningful about holiday traditions. (@sunfrog)



• Our Cupcake Custom — Amy at Anktangle knows celebrations need minimal excuse and lots of cupcakes! (@anktangle)



• On the bunny slope of tradition-making — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is finding her groove as a holistic-minded mama with a joyful holiday spirit. (@crunchychewy)



• No, Virginia, There Is Not a Santa Claus — Just because her family is not going to do Santa, does not mean that Sheila at A Gift Universe can't instill some mystery and magic into Christmas. (@agiftuniverse)



• New Traditions — Becky at Future Legacy shares a few traditions she is starting for her family, including popovers, a birthday banner, and service.



• My Holiday Family Traditions — The Artsymama continues a long tradition of adopting family members and sharing two favorite games that work well for a crowd.



• Mindfully Creating Family Traditions — Alison at BluebirdMama has ideas for celebrating birthdays, Valentine's Day, and Christmas — though her family's still figuring some of it out. (@bluebirdmama)



• Memorable Traditions — Lori Ann at MamaWit follows four mindful steps when instituting any tradition.



• Let's Talk Traditions — Lily, aka Witch Mom shares her family's traditions that are centered on the wheel of the year. (@lilyshahar)



• Homeschool Christmas — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now did not always celebrate the Christmas season in the same way with her family, but they always celebrated together. (@DebChitwood)



• Holidays, food and family — For Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood, the holidays are about family and food. (@crunchymamato2)



• Giving Christmas to the Critter — Rachael at The Variegated Life has found a way to tie her Zen practices to the Christmas story of the baby in the manger. (@RachaelNevins)



• Family Traditions + To Santa Or Not To Santa — Stop by Natural Parents Network to discover some of the traditions from other natural parents. NPN is also featuring snippets of posts from NP bloggers on the topic of whether to encourage children to believe in Santa Claus. (@NatParNet)



• Family Tradition Origins — Momma Jorje discusses her family's traditions, and her desire not to make anyone feel obligated to conform to them.



• Everyday Traditions — For Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children it's the small, daily traditions that make life special.



• Establishing Traditions and Older Child Adoption — MrsH at Fleeting Moments is trying to find ways to start traditions with a family that was made very quickly through birth and adoption.



• Emerging Family Traditions — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! shares some of her favorite birthday and Christmas traditions. (@bfmom)



• Does Rebellion Count? — Seonaid at the Practical Dilettante has instituted a day of rest and PJs at her house on Christmas. (@seonaid_lee)



• December Carnival of Natural Parenting: Family Traditions — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker tries to give her girls a mix of traditions to foster togetherness — but worries that not being near extended family is a disconnect.



• Craft-tea Christmas Celebrations — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud created a delicious Christmas tradition that she named "Craft-tea."



• A Christmas Tradition — Luschka at Diary of a First Child knows that even though she won't be able to have her usual holiday traditions this year, the important thing is that she has her family. (@lvano)



• Celebrations without the Holiday — Asha at Meta Mom shares several ways to celebrate the winter holidays without focusing on religious traditions. (@metamomma)



• Celebrating the Journey We Have Traveled Together — Acacia at Be Present enjoys the chance to draw closer to her family during the Christmas holiday.



• Celebrating Motherhood — Do you celebrate the day you became a mother? Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers some ideas for traditions to mark your passage into motherhood. (@CodeNameMama)



• Celebrate! Winter Traditions Brought Home. — At True Confessions of a Real Mommy, TrueRealMommy and her family are celebrating many different religions and traditions this month. Stop by to see their schedule of events. (@TrueRealMommy)



• "Always Ready", Holiday Style — Amy at Toddler In Tow discovered that it's not the traditions themselves, but the emotional experience behind them that makes them special.