tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464977109229359349.post4190474077561417632..comments2023-10-21T03:54:12.029-04:00Comments on A Gift Universe: Jesus, my ex-boyfriendSheilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853868724554947854noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464977109229359349.post-1757799456506379172015-12-02T11:37:50.694-05:002015-12-02T11:37:50.694-05:00+JMJ+
Of course I know that! And I'm already...+JMJ+ <br /><br />Of course I know that! And I'm already getting weirder in their sort of way and hope they're getting weirder in mine. =P But it's not exactly what I mean. What I'm getting at is that there are things which groups (or individuals) turn into non-negotiables that aren't really non-negotiables. "Excommunication" should be a rare last resort, and always done out of love--so that the one who has been cut off knows that it's <i>truly</i> serious. <br /><br />By the way, my Trad friends they were the group I had brunch with the other day. And one of the stories I got to hear after the seating arrangement was changed was from someone I only met that morning. She has a really nice smartphone case with Our Lady of Guadalupe on it, and when she went to a high school reunion, one of her old classmates saw it and said she wanted one just like it. Of course, my new friend was pleased, but she was also concerned that someone seemingly devoted to Mary had told dirty jokes all evening. She didn't want to lecture anyone, but as she put it (and I paraphrase): "I never want to think that someone ended up in hell because of one of my sins of omission. So I always say my piece. If they listen, thank God! If they don't, at least I won't toss and turn over it." (At the end of that particular incident, she was happy she had said something because the classmate said she hadn't known that and was glad she had been told at last.) <br /><br />And that's my long-winded way of explaining why I think that if my new friends learn about my personal library, they'll just remind me about the three recent cases in which children had to be exorcised because demons were able to use <i>Harry Potter</i> as a door (another cheery topic that came up at brunch!) and leave it at that. But by "leave it at that," I mean that they'd double their prayers for me and probably not let me talk to their children unsupervised. LOL!!! Enbrethilielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03414765854670926854noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464977109229359349.post-65568907992604551802015-12-02T07:48:43.462-05:002015-12-02T07:48:43.462-05:00Ah, but groups do that, you know. You join up bec...Ah, but groups do that, you know. You join up because you have one simple thing in common with the others, and pretty soon you start sharing weird hobbies. Healthy groups won't shun you for not doing those things -- for instance, when your average attachment-parenting group finds out one of its members doesn't breastfeed, they are usually really non-judgmental about it. But at the same time, after hanging out with that group for a couple of years, that mom is almost certain to breastfeed her next kid.<br /><br />Unhealthy groups take it a step further, coming up with a spoken or unspoken list of things people have to agree to, and the list just gets longer and longer. Some trad groups are like that, but it sounds like yours isn't.Sheilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10853868724554947854noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464977109229359349.post-14353004649865682492015-12-02T02:08:56.537-05:002015-12-02T02:08:56.537-05:00+JMJ+
The descriptions of the Trads strongly rem...+JMJ+ <br /><br />The descriptions of the Trads strongly remind me of TLP's explanation of narcissism. One of the things he said is that it is narcissistic behaviour to choose friends because they are the sort of people <i>you imagine</i> the sort of person you are would have for friends. For the catch is that "the sort of person you are" isn't really who you are; it's the ideal you're desperately trying to pass off as real. So basically, you just want those friends for the "cred" they give--and not just "cred" in the world's eyes, but "cred" in your own. <br /><br />And yet I guess I'm a Trad now, too. After nearly a year of Latin Mass attendance (though not to the exclusion of the Ordinary Form), I finally feel like I'm part of the group. And I'm really glad about that: they're the only friends I've ever had with whom I could share an "order of life." (I have other Catholic friends, of course, but since Mass and devotions are things they do with their families, we don't share that.) There <i>are</i> times when I feel like saying, <i>"Hey, guys, lighten up!"</i> Sometimes it seems that they see the devil in everything that isn't explicitly approved by the Church. Which is, ironically, <i>not</i> a traditionally Catholic view. <br /><br />I don't think they'll dump me if they learn that I have J.K. Rowling's and Rick Riordan's books in my collection (though, haha, I'm not going to volunteer the information, either!). We're such a small group as it is and it's not as if I'm trying to change other people's minds about Middle Grade lit. If they do find out, I won't be expelled as a potential "contaminant," but I will suddenly be the "weak" member who has to be supported by the stronger ones. LOL! <br /><br />What I'm trying to say is that social groups and communities can't really be engineered. There seems to be a "bare minimum" (just my term!) that it takes to properly belong to a group, apart from which anything goes. So for instance, if someone genuinely loves Jesus and Mary, is attracted to traditional Catholic things, <i>and</i> regularly shows up events organised by a TLM group, then that someone, simply by being himself, already belongs to the group. Weird hobbies are beside the point. Trying to make them part of the point is unnatural. And if it goes far enough, scapegoaty. Enbrethilielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03414765854670926854noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464977109229359349.post-45141627999818176742015-11-30T16:20:04.987-05:002015-11-30T16:20:04.987-05:00No kidding - I've seen it happen too, and for ...No kidding - I've seen it happen too, and for stupid things like letting your daughters wear pants. I accidentally made a friend at Christendom who counted me worthy because I wore only skirts .... Except she just hadn't seen me in them YET.Sheilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10853868724554947854noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464977109229359349.post-65683517983806272572015-11-30T10:47:52.664-05:002015-11-30T10:47:52.664-05:00I'm glad to know the numbers are low, I receiv...I'm glad to know the numbers are low, I received the impression there were a number of quietly suffering Christendom grads in Front Royal cheering you on.<br /><br />As for the ostracizing, I'm not surprised by it because of my own wanting to strangle more than a few traditionalists and homescoolers myself because of their ostracizing my own children because I didn't measure up to their absurd american jansenist standards. <br /><br /><br /> love the girlshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11086068884134493993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464977109229359349.post-52870508852290845142015-11-30T09:35:44.699-05:002015-11-30T09:35:44.699-05:00No, I know very few. One in my class besides me, ...No, I know very few. One in my class besides me, one in the class before me, one in the class after. So that's about one in a hundred. But surely there are many I don't know -- it's not like you'd tell your Christendom friends about a thing like this. And the number is definitely higher if you want to include people who have doubts, disagree with some bit of doctrine, or are disobedient to a disciplinary issue (marrying a divorced person, marrying outside the Church, using birth control). Still, the numbers of downright fanatically Catholic people are much higher among my Christendom friends than people I know from elsewhere.<br /><br />I think what Anon meant was that it takes some nerve to out yourself as a doubter in the rather confined atmosphere of this town's Catholic community. And I would totally agree with that. It helps that this blog isn't very popular, and the sort of people who do take the time to read it are mostly pretty positive about it. But surely there are people who've stumbled on this blog and quietly disengaged from me without saying anything about it. I know people in the Catholic community who won't let their kids play with the neighbors because somehow these Protestant toddlers are going to be a bad influence! So surely I would get the same treatment, if they knew. I'm trying to get more involved with different groups, like a secular homeschooling group, but of course the Catholics are in those too so it's not like I'm talking about any of these issues there.<br /><br />The really gutsy move would be to say something on Facebook. But I don't because it would hurt my family members to no purpose. They know there's a lot of iffy stuff on my blog and not to read it unless they're comfortable with it, and for the most part their choice has been not to.Sheilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10853868724554947854noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464977109229359349.post-2617792628577111862015-11-30T09:12:57.232-05:002015-11-30T09:12:57.232-05:00Different Anonymous here...
I don't know how ...Different Anonymous here...<br /><br />I don't know how common leaving Catholicism is among Christendom grads, but, at least from personal experience, I believe its more common than we think, with at least a few people leaving quietly and not drawing attention to themselves, due to social pressures.<br /><br />But that's just my opinion.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464977109229359349.post-37211342023058906872015-11-29T19:00:41.853-05:002015-11-29T19:00:41.853-05:00"Is instability or loss of the Faith that com..."Is instability or loss of the Faith that common among Christendom grads, especially those choosing to live in Front Royal?"<br /><br />No.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464977109229359349.post-8395711713927022712015-11-29T15:21:21.167-05:002015-11-29T15:21:21.167-05:00Anonymous writes : "I really admire your cour...Anonymous writes : "I really admire your courage to be so self-disclosive, particularly in the C'dom/FR community."<br /><br />This comes across as rather unexpected and disturbing. Is instability or loss of the Faith that common among Christendom grads, especially those choosing to live in Front Royal? I wouldn't have thought so.love the girlshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11086068884134493993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464977109229359349.post-77426810554246272552015-11-29T13:01:03.976-05:002015-11-29T13:01:03.976-05:00Dear Sheila, I have been reading your blog for yea...Dear Sheila, I have been reading your blog for years. This is your best piece yet. Keep writing. You have a bold, clear voice and very compelling, interesting stories. I really admire your courage to be so self-disclosive, particularly in the C'dom/FR community. Sincerely, a fan and fellow truth seeker.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464977109229359349.post-29629659885550534782015-11-29T02:43:27.275-05:002015-11-29T02:43:27.275-05:00+JMJ+
For the record, I hate the Jesus as boyfri...+JMJ+ <br /><br />For the record, I <i>hate</i> the Jesus as boyfriend thing. We have so much tried-and-tested imagery for Jesus: King, Bridegroom, Suffering Servant . . . I almost added, "pelican"! =P "Boyfriend" doesn't add to what might have been missing, but it <i>does</i> detract. <br /><br />Secondly, I actually have a suggestion that I think would help you . . . IF you do it. (But seriously, WHAT have you got to lose at this point?) The priest who explained it in a homily called it a "spiritual contract," though I don't know if that is just his term or an actual Thing. It's really simple. First of all, you tell God that you want to do something that you know you should do, but you can't. You've done everything in your power and found that you simply <i>can't</i>. (The example in the homily was someone who had been abused by his parents since infancy and who could not bring himself to forgive them.) Then you say that since you can't do it alone, you need Mary, all the saints, and all the angels to pray for you to receive the grace that will let you do it. But since they shouldn't be praying for you while you do nothing, you will also do something. You will, for instance, rub your chin. And then every time you rub your chin, all the saints and angels will be lifting your intentions to God. So pick the gesture you make most frequently, sometimes when you're not even thinking. (Mine is playing with my hair.) Enbrethilielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03414765854670926854noreply@blogger.com